The 5 Love Languages of Kids

Last Updated on May 4, 2024 by Kathy

Different children crave different types of affection and attention. We will help you determine which type of attention and affection is most important to your child, so that she feels truly loved. This article will reveal the 5 love languages of kids!

The importance of Kids’ Love Languages

Paying attention to the way your child shows you love is the first step to identifying your child’s primary love language. Why? It is a natural tendency to give affection the way we want to be received. We learn as we age that the Golden Rule can lead to problems in our relationships. It is important that we love others in the best way for them. Children don’t usually pick up on this, so they give the kind of affection they want. Your child’s request is the other piece.

These are five possible ways he could ask for or speak their love language.

Kids’ Love Languages

1. “Cuddle me! Chase me!”

A hug may not say “I love” to all children, but it can be a physical touch that shouts “I LOVE YOU!”

Does Your Kid Do This?

Children who are always in your space touching or playing with your hair is a sign that you need to touch them more.

Express Love Languages for Your Kids This Way:

You can snuggle on the couch with your child, or ask him/her if he/she would like to sit on your lap. Then, give your child foot massages and high-fives. Professionals also suggest that you wrestle and play sports that require jostling. 

Common Pitfalls:

Spanking or slaps can be hurtful for any child. However, it is more damaging to a child whose primary love language and touch is touch. Research also shows that fathers become less affectionate as their daughters develop, because they feel uneasy. Even as children get older, it’s  suggested that they make a habit out of giving good-night and good-morning hugs.

2. “Presents, please!”

Children who feel loved and cared for when they get things don’t just want more stuff.

Does Your Kid Do This?

Gift-givers are often very particular about the wrapping of their gifts. They may even remember who gave them what months later. Another tip-off? Your kid has trouble throwing out things he’d been given, even if he hasn’t looked at them in ages.

Express Love Languages for Your Kids This Way:

A gift is a symbol of love for your child. It can be anything, from a smooth stone to a yarn ball in the exact color he liked two Tuesdays ago. While it is fine to have a closet filled with dollar-store toys wrapped, you don’t have to spend any money. You can leave an origami creation or wildflower on the pillow of your child. 

Stickers and star charts can be concrete ways to make these children feel valued. For those sculptures made of pipe cleaners or old corks, hang artwork and create a “precious items” table.

Common Pitfalls:

Parents should not give too many gifts to children. Gifts need to be appropriate for the child’s age and will help them rather than being a burden. Parents sometimes give their children gifts instead of using other love languages. This is something he has seen a lot with divorcing couples.

3. “Talk to me!”

Your loving words are most important to children who listen attentively and speak sweetly.

Does Your Kid Do This?

Your child will be happy if you give her praise or offer you sweet feedback, they likely enjoy affirmations.

Express Love Languages for Your Kids This Way:

These children can be touched by little notes, text messages, or bracelets with “my hero” printed on them. So, make sure you give your children words of affirmations.

Common Pitfalls:

Insults can be hurtful. It is more important for children to hear “I Love You” alone than “I Love You but …”” Adding those three words to any other words (including “good girl” or “good guy”) as a form “I Love You”, …”) could imply that your affection is conditional.

4. “You do it for me!”

Acts of Service is the oddest-sounding form of love language. But children who can speak it are able to appreciate thoughtful gestures like buying flavored Seltzer and making mocktails complete with a mini umbrella, a pineapple slice, and a mini umbrella.

Does Your Kid Do This?

He/She might ask you to tie his shoes, fix his toy or fluff up his pillow. Parents of these children often feel like servants.

Express Love Languages for Your Kids This Way:

There are many options. You can make exceptions to a rule (like helping your 9-year old daughter slip into a pair of pants), or go above and beyond (like first warming her clothes in the dryer when it is cold). As these children grow, and all children, it is important to teach self-reliance and expect them to do the best for themselves at every stage. The best service you can offer your child is to walk him through a new process, and then teach him step-by-step how to become more competent.

Common Pitfalls:

You don’t need to be a jerk at every request. Even if the request is denied, a thoughtful response will suffice. Be aware of how exceptions to rules can pile up. Stop when you see myself constantly picking up their dirty clothes and carrying their backpack to her door.

5. “Come here! Look at this!”

Children feel the most valued when they are able to spend quality time with their parents.

Does Your Kid Do This?

If a child says “Watch this!” or is often saying “Play with me!”, they’re asking for quality time. 

Express Love Languages for Your Kids This Way:

Apart from just being together, give your full attention. This is referred to as “special time” and it can be brief. However, your child should choose the activity. Your children may ask for a “conversation” while he or she lies in bed, head-againsts-head, before going to sleep.

Common Pitfalls:

If your child’s love language for quality time is discipline and your method is to put her in her room and isolate her, that’s a severe punishment for her. Don’t think that spending more time together will mean you have to give up your to-do lists. Your child will feel warm and loved even if you read beside her while she is absorbed in her play.

Key Points about Kids’ Love Languages

Love languages are personality traits that can stay with us throughout our lives. However, your child might have different preferences from one moment to the next. A toddler who loves snuggles might become a seven-year-old who prefers roughhousing. Your praise-filled child might start to doubt your assurances and need some quality time.

Pay attention to your child’s reactions to the love she needs at any moment. It’s a great way to keep in touch and to see if she’s growing.